As the next sit-in was to be hosted by one of my closest friends, it was decided - not by me - that this should be the first occasion that I drink. I’d never really had alcohol before, apart from at Christmas mixed with orange juice, but I thought that maybe this would give me the confidence to go after Helen.
Within a few minutes of my first drink(s), I had removed most of my clothing and was dancing erotically to ABC’s ‘Poison Arrow’, with Elliot. This was the guy who got naked in the first half and was the inspiration of my 'tripling' question in Fresh Meat.
As you would expect, this performance didn't have the desired effect upon Helen, but I was quickly overshadowed by the sound of an earthquake upstairs. A girl (much drunker than me) had to be led out of the house, still managing to smash a plant pot and some family photos. Helen, despite my best efforts to convince her otherwise, decided that she would take her home. Later, the girl's mother phoned, accusing us of having drugged her daughter, and it took a lot of persuasion to stop her from coming over and conducting a raid. My idea of arranging flour in lines on the table wasn't perceived as amusing.
Sulking now that Helen had left, I followed generations before me, and drank more. Soon the remaining guests were sitting in a circle and, while I believe it was an ironic suggestion, we were soon playing ‘truth or dare’. The host knew that I had never kissed a girl and so decided to dare both Rene and another girl called Jane to kiss me. My self-confidence wasn't at all high because they had to be dared to do this, but what made it worse was that I’d just seen these girls throw up in order to allow themselves to drink more, and I'm pretty sure they'd had no opportunity since to clean their teeth. Not wanting to lose any more masculinity, I sat there and closed my eyes as their recently vomit-filled mouths came closer to mine.
For the next three days my insides wanted to crawl out of my eyes. My paranoia, and misunderstanding of what we had been taught during sex education at school, convinced me that this reaction was because I had kissed a girl with cold sores. Further, I'd been to the loo after washing my mouth, so maybe I'd passed it downstairs. Convinced that the worst always happened, I went to my doctor on multiple occasions, and every time he would tell me that nothing was wrong after looking at my mouth and then touching my penis. Looks like I’d managed to skip second base after all.